Pome

[wulfboy.livejournal.com]

Pome. I'm not sure if it works properly and I'm not happy with it. I know whatr I'm trying to say but I'm not convinced I'm getting it right. I can't tell if the first-line repetition is useful or not. Polishing advice appreciated.



Our Cities

My city pools as meat,
settles like mercury,
blurred by mobility.

My city reeks and sweats,
dripping and exhaling,
filthy with grease.

My city is red and brown,
spread on your canvas,
dirty and exalted.

My city flows and bleeds,
it ebbs and it seeps,
rising and receding.

My city throbs through yours,
locating each street,
outlining concrete.

My city defines you,
makes you more than atoms,
gives you a name.