(no subject)

[boglin.livejournal.com]

I thought I'd pop this here too, as it's only small.

Last week, Autumn brushed past me as I left the house. He had dew- painted windows, delicately smoked the air, weighed down the sun. Last week the trees turned patchwork, and he hemmed up the days with a straw needle. This week, it was not quite light as I left the house, and Autumn was waiting with a faceful of rain. He had made the air a refrigerator to preserve the stars and wrap them in grey morning. Fed up with motley, he had unstitched the trees, like little sacks on a helter-skelter. He grinned at me, as I slid.

Comments

[unsomnambulist.livejournal.com]

I really enjoyed this piece, short concise but quite interesting. The last line though, sort of didn't go well with the flow for me.

[boglin.livejournal.com]

Bugger, that's a shame as that's the whole point of it for me - the anticlimax and pun on helter-skelter/slid. Perhaps it doesn't work at all then - I might take another look at it. Thanks for your response, anyway :)