two poems

[melancholyxrose.livejournal.com]

i really enjoy getting ideas/suggestions on my poems. i am in a creative writing class and so i expecially want my work reviewed before i submit it. these two poems that i have writter were done very quickly (although I don't know if I should point that out) and they haven't been revised as of yet. lemme know what you guys think of one or both! thank you!!!


groping; yearning
fondling; lusting -
thrusting
teasing; pleasing
hoping -
for more.

mangled; tangled
wrapping;
lapping -
up desire.

crushing; cramming;
don't give a -
damming;
shred; fled;
dread -
you're leaving.

but you're gone anyway.



i'm painting your nails pink
you don't like it, but i do
and you love to humor me
your hands are rough, like pumice -
in it's absensce.
a dishwasher's hand
falls limp as I gingerly
apply the pink paint
on my palable pallet.
your thumb loosly falls
over my fingers.
Its only support -
besides the drunken glee
in my eyes -
in this peculiar perdicament.
At the end
you gaze at them
in wonder
ful confusion.
Looking through them
at my own wonder
ful amusement.