So there I am, watching Cathleen pour another corpse stiff cuppa that I know I don’t have time to finish. I slip a pound in shrapnel onto the scarred melamine. The ipod drowns out the cancer rattle ‘thanks duck’ that she blesses me with. Right then I love her so much I just want to climb over the counter and fuck her; make her forget the last thirty years of stirring tea and enduring the torment of knowing there is more to life but not for the likes of her. Alas, there isn’t time; it’s Christmas Eve and I have a job to do. Before I leave I catch myself in the tinsel shrined mirror; eyes too blue, lips too full, hair too damn lustrous, such a waste. And yes, vanity is a sin. I count the steps out of the café to the car, each one bringing me a little closer to salvation. Engine on, mirror, signal, floor it.
The chrome fortress is back lit by a silver dollar moon; I head towards it at fuck you miles an hour. The steel gates fold around the car like origami. Bones snap, flesh shreds, but not enough to slow me down. The first one steps out of a doorway, and while Bing Crosby is singing White Christmas in my Skull Candy, I flick the cards I habitually carry, into the goon’s face. The joker’s on him, as he waves the fluttering deck away, I gut him. The air fills with the smell of iron, reminding me of times past, when such an offering would have given me a hard on, but not now; I am penitent, and I really don’t have time to enjoy this. He tumbles back; cuddling his offal, the house loses. We’ll laugh about this later, but for now, I must press on. Behind me the car goes nova, the heat feels good, then something automatic spits fire from the darkness ahead of me. I make destruction an art form, the walls my canvas, that I paint in shades of flesh and blood, then I get in the lift. Once inside I eat everything I managed to score yesterday, then I ring the police and scream and spit and drool about love, the end of days, and how hard my cock is, and when the doors finally open, I am burning like the sun. After I burst the first three rent- a- goons, the rest scatter, muttering prayers and curses with equal fervour. I hear myself screaming scripture, nice touch, I think, I think, but that could just be the drugs. Then I rip the door to his office out of the wall.
The siren’s scream and chopper whirr sing through my wired flesh; it’s so beautiful. I’m crying with joy as I crush his skull under my heel then I throw his carcass through the window. Something 50 calibre flavoured puts me on my arse. The chopper lights are as bright as the sun, but I can see the gleam of a barrel as tracers stitch the air. They can’t see the smile on my shattered face, and nobody alive will know how close Mary Rose McCarthy and her unborn came to being taken down in the crossfire when, in about two hours time, Mr No head here, would have ordered that her bad debtor boyfriend Joe, was made a messy example of. I’ve done my good deed of the century, saved three, not insignificant, lives and worked off a bit of my own bad debt, giving the meek another chance to inherit, what they probably don’t deserve.